14​/​40: Hobo Sapien

by Grant Sharkey

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    Get all 21 Grant Sharkey releases available on Bandcamp and save 40%.

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality downloads of 17a/40: Viable, Excellent Choice (Book), 16/40: CALM DOWN!, 15/40: Radical You (Vol.2), Sue (Live 31.01.20), 14/40: Hobo Sapien, 13/40: MAN SCHOOL, 12/40: BEASTS, and 13 more. , and , .

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1.
This is a shit sandwich Behold the shit sandwich It’s a couple of slices of bread with some shit spread in-between It’s not my shit sandwich I don’t like shit sandwiches Whomever this shit sandwich belongs to should come clean When I find ‘em Make ‘em eat it And they’ll say ‘Yum! Yum!’ But they won’t mean it Nobody likes shit sandwich Why did you make this shitty sandwich? HUH?! This is a shit sandwich Making a stench inside of my fridge HEY I HAD A YOGHURT IN THERE and now it tastes of shit It’s not a Poo Panini Or a turd linguini (it’s just a) white bread, run-of-the-mill sandwich made of shit Whoever made it Had better claim it Saying ‘That’s my favourite’ “That’s the shit I’m craving’ If you make a shit sandwich You better be prepared to eat it. IF YOU MADE THIS SHIT SANDWICH THEN YOU EAT THE SHIT SANDWICH DON’T YOU DARE EVER BLAME ME IF YOUR BREATH NOW STINKS OF SHIT YOU’RE THE ONE THAT DEFICATED CUT OFF THE CRUSTS AND THEN YOU ATE IT NOW ALL YOUR FRIENDS ARE WALKING AWAY, MAINLY BECAUSE YOU’RE EATING SHIT. IF YOU’RE HUNGRY DON’T GET ANGRY IF YOU COULD NOT WAIT FOR SOMETHING HEALTHY This is a shit sandwich Behold this Brexshit sandwich.
2.
We’re having a party! It’s a Brexit Party – BRACE YOURSELVES! It’s gonna get weird! --- Late at night in a secret room Underneath every Wetherspoons They congregate and prostrate themselves to Lord Farage! They all start on their hands and knees And take a shit on democracy Then set it on fire and cram it back into their arse. Getting high, getting drunk, getting naked St George’s Sex Toy getting lubricated Won half a vote this is how they celebrate it They love their country and DON’T CARE IF THEY BREAK IT! --- Widdecombe reclines on a pile of coats Spread and ready for the patriots Who line up and wait to inseminate their queen Nigel says that in nine months time She’ll give birth to the golden child Who’s bloodline’s divine and will help to define their creed. Gettin’ voters wound up, frustrated, Until Putin is masturbating, Getting fucked up on fear and hatred Fingers crossed that Anne’s ovulating! --- With a little bit of Russian Money You too can decimate an entire country! [x4] --- [4 bars of drums] --- WE ARE SERIOUS AT POLITICS! Now we have the woman what sang in Bucks Fizz We’re not just some school kids grooming simple dickheads, you see. We’re just a band of People’s Millionaires, World renowned for how much we care For the sick and the poor, elderly (and their properties...) We’re the party of constant outrage Denying climate change and curing the gays, You play the rats and we’ll play the plague We’re gonna party like WE WILL BE OBEYED! --- You don’t have to be mad to work here But everyone is mad who works here You don’t have to bad to work here But everyone is bad who works here You don’t have to be rich to work here But everyone is rich who works here You don’t have to be evil to work here But everyone is evil who works here With a little bit of Russian Money You too can decimate an entire country! (Arron Banks is a Russian Asses Tim Martin is a Drunken Asshat)
3.
Massive Car 03:56
He’s got a massive car – it barely fits down tiny roads A massive car – seems that everywhere he goes People get too close to him – and he beeps his tiny horn Massive car – it keeps his ego nice and safe Massive car – hand washed and waxed on Saturdays Buy “those polish guys” – who are actually Latvians He voted leave – he loves his country And he loves sovereignty (whatever that means) If you give him an inch – he’ll take a mile And complain he’s only got a mile! He’s got such a tiny heart and mind He’s such a massive car...driver --- Massive car – with a hyper-macho name Massive car – proves he a wealthy alpha male It’s FORD COCKMASTER DEATH MERCHANT HYBRID, so don’t you ever mess with him He’s got an angry wife – with a tiny little dog She laughs at him – picking up tiny doggy logs From the backseat – and he wishes she was dead They’ve got some kids – but he hates them ‘Cuz they are communists – who support labour, fight for equality, diversity and the whole planet’s ecology They say, ‘Dad you’re such a fossil fool You’re such a massive car...driver’ --- One by one they all leave him The house is empty in the evenings, he Sits there crying, in the garage ‘I’m so lonely! I’m so angry! Why did they leave me?! I’M BLOODY LOVELY!’ --- He drives his massive car down to the local hospital They’ve found a lump deep down inside his old bumhole The doctor sighs – ‘there is nothing we can do’ (Government cuts) He drives back home and starts his last days on the earth Wondering, what his life was finally worth Did people actually like him? But the answer’s too painful. And then dies. Placed in a box with penny’s on his dead eyes. At the funeral everyone tries to cry, But their eyeballs stay dry And lie ‘he was such a great guy!’ But they’re actually kinda glad he’s dead He was such a massive Nightmare for the race and planet He’s such a massive Waste of time and resources He was such a massive car...driver.
4.
Deep in the ocean, there’s a little sea turtle Choking to death on an old tape Of John Lennon’s ‘Imagine’ --- And there’s a Lima in the trees, And he’s coughing and wheezing On the fumes from a burning copy of Earth Song...by Michael Jackson --- Elton John flew 20 times around the world Singing HEY! it’s the Circle of Life! --- Millions of bess Are now all deceased From the chemicals Used to make Morrisey’s salad. ---- And there’s a whale somewhere out there With a intestinal tear Caused by a DVD of David Attenborough’s ‘Blue Planet’ --- I see toxic landfill, full up to the brim with Louis Armstrong’s ‘What a wonderful world!’ --- And deep in the ocean, there’s a little sea turtle Choking to death on an old tape Of John Lennon’s ‘Imagine’ OH YEAH
5.
Future Dick 03:57
In the year 3013 on an episode of something like Time Team They’ll be digging a hole to find a story untold (and I’ll be in trouble) They’ll find a bag made of polythene, on the side, it’s addressed to ‘Grant Sharkey’ inside they find chunks of polystyrene, a sight they find so obscene they puke everywhere. And they’ll surmise that I am an asshole brimming with spite, For the future of humanity – but that’s just not me! So in my defence: I bought a brand new washing machine, to help the economy and to get my rancid clothes clean – I unwrapped it with glee and plumbed it in with a ‘squee!’ and started my washing Around my feet, polystyrene and bubble wrap, I bagged it up and threw it out with the other crap, I didn’t know what to do. I hadn’t thought it through, so I panicked. In the future, they’ll paint a picture of me killing the planet deliberately. Robot Tony Robinson will call me a DICK and the other robots will agree and call me a DICK. DICK
6.
I was ill with the gastric flu when I heard the news that Pharoh was going to fall Sat on the bog I read the Facebook blogs, Egypt’s rallying call – GO SLAVES! I hit LIKE to show my support for democracy’s plight – but sat there in my rancid air something inside me just didn’t feel right. (It wasn’t the flu – that just made me poo) Is this course of human evolution, to save me from wiping before I join a revolution? Whilst people were dying, I thought I had done my bit – but all I did was like a fucking Facebook page an in reality I hadn’t done shit... ...except for the obvious one in the this story. I make a pledge – I’m gonna think before I LIKE it A new experience – I swear I’m going try it first! Everyone’s LIKING, no-one’s loving it (which makes us collectively weak) So if there’s a little joke about cats – LIKE IT If they’re trying to kill off the sick and the poor – GET OFF YOUR ASS If you see a nice recipe for a vegan cake – LIKE IT! If the planet desperately needs some grown ups – GET OFF YOUR ASS!
7.
Pandas 03:32
I said I’d love you for the rest of our lives – which won’t be that long unless we get it on, We face extinction ‘less we make love tonight - I gotta get close to you, so come and share my bamboo Our keeper’s anxious for us to have sex She’s checked that I’m spunky, she’s checked all your eggs I know it’s not easy ‘cuz I look like your ex – but it’s just one night. It may sound creepy and I know that’s not cool – but time’s running out for your to put out. It’s dire situation, but I swear it’s the truth - I wouldn’t lie to you just to do the hump-hump with you I’ll sing you songs I’ll dance with you tender and sweet We’ll laugh til we’re sick then our black eyes will meet I’ll try not to scratch you whilst we’re between the sheets But it’s just one night The next morning she lays on my chest – our duty done, I think she had fun Giggly breakfast check the endangered list – and we’re not on there, we high five in the air Quicker than expected – but that’s no complaint We over came our obstacles, we’ve broken our chains And if I’m lucky, we’ll do it again for the rest of our lives.
8.
9.

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COMING ON NOVEMBER THE 5th!

The 14th album in the 40 album project is a reflective journey into the chaos going on around us all...with Brexit jokes, OBVS!

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released November 3, 2019

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Grant Sharkey UK

DIY, bass playing troubadour. On a mission to release an album every 6 months for 20 years.

RELEASE: 1st May and 5th November every year.

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